A bit about character defects

 

One of the greatest challenges in ongoing sobriety is to repeatedly confront the same character defects over and over again.  Or, more accurately, the consequences of those same character defects -- especially if you have really tried to address them via the tools offered in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It has been my experience (my painful, embarrassing, experience, actually) whenever I am in that place again, that my real problem is twofold:

The first is that I am looking at the result and not the process.  In other words, it is easy to want to have money in the bank, but where I need to ask for HP's help is in spending differently.  It is easy to want to get to work on time, but the focus should be on the willingness to go to sleep at a decent hour and get up at a realistic time to actually get ready and go.  It's easy to want a different body, it's hard to be willing to eat differently or become disciplined about exercise.

My character defect is really not in the result, i.e. the bank balance, the tardiness or the numbers on the scale ... my character defect is to be found somewhere in the process.

The second thing -- and somehow I have found that although, logically, it doesn't appear related to the above, it actually is in powerful and unfathomable ways (cue spooky music) -- if I'm applying the principles and ideas from the 12 Steps to these things, the main point of the 7th Step (which, for the new kids, is "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.") is about humility -- not the shortcomings.  Not the defects. 

Humility.

I need a constant reminder of this, since, in certain areas I keep trying to make it about the problem, and not about a spiritual solution -- which I reach via humility.

Frankly, on some days it seems like this whole thing would be a lot easier if we could just scrap this "humility" thing altogether.

But apparently, some people have tried that.

From what I understand, they can be found down at the bar.

They say the road gets narrower as you go along in recovery.  I believe that.  I think people make the mistake of thinking the road gets broader, that the longer you stay sober, the more you can "get away" with.  I feel that at this point I can get away with nothing.  I pay dearly for any deviation from the straight and narrow - any dishonesty, any malice, you get the idea.  So far, I have never paid the price of a drink.  I pray I never do. 

 

 

 

Years ago when I was unable to admit that I had a substance abuse problem, I needed proof that drinking was making my life unmanageable and I’d be better off without it. I remained in denial and therefore blind to the giant elephant in the room that was crapping all over my life.

I remember someone suggesting that I write a list of the pros and cons of using my drug of choice (alcohol) but obviously it could have been written about other addictive substance such as prescription drugs. So I wrote the list, but it was vastly different to the one I’ll write today basically because I was unwilling to see the truth about my disease.  In fact, instead of pros and cons, this new list is about ‘Old Ideas’ and ‘Reality’.  My old ideas kept me out there using for many years, thankfully now I’m able to see the truth:

Drinking gave me confidence… Reality – Booze dissolved any ‘filter’ that I may have had between my mind and my mouth.  I did and said what I wanted without concern for the consequences. I wasn’t confident, I was belligerent.

When I was drunk I felt more attractive… Reality – If puffy eyes, blotchy skin & slurred speech is attractive, I was your girl.

Booze calmed my nerves… Reality – My nerves were shot from drinking, I had withdrawal symptoms and alcohol stopped the shakes.

A nightcap before bed helped me sleep… Reality – I couldn’t sleep and a bottle of vodka usually did the job.

My friends thought I was the life and soul of the party and I was hilarious when I drank… Reality – Sure, I thought I was hilarious, but most people thought I was a mess, they laughed at me not with me. My friends walked on eggshells, dreading the inevitable scene that I’d make and talked about my drinking problem behind my back.

Alcohol helped me get through the day... Reality - I used alcohol to numb my senses so that I wouldn’t have to deal with life. Alcohol didn’t help me get through the day, it helped me hide from it.

My friends at the bar ‘got me’ ...Reality – My fellow ‘barflies’ didn’t give a shit about me, booze was all we had in common. Put it this way, there’s no way we’d be hanging out together and talking about our troubles over coffee.

Everybody gets drunk... Reality – Some people may over indulge on occasion, but most people don’t make a habit of drinking until they pass out.

I’d lose all my friends if I stop drinking… Reality – My real friends wanted me to stop and get help.

My life would be boring and dull if I didn’t drink… Reality – I didn’t have a life, alcohol was my life.

Sunday

New Dawn Group,
Municipal School, Surampatti Valasu Erode.

Time. 11.00 to 12.30 ( Open Meeting )

(9659149744, 9360296953)

Malarum Valvu Group,

Thiruchengode (6pm)
MDV School, opp Jothi Theater

(9943201549)

New Way Group,

Govt. Higher Secondary School, 

Kumalankuttai, Perundurai Rd, 

Erode ( Al-Anon Meeting ) 

(9942263212, 9443023779)

Monday 

Freedom Group,

St. Mary School, R.C Church,

State bank road, Pannerselvam park, Erode.

(9677450048, 9843947999)

Faith Group,

ECI Church, Koottapalli,

Thiruchengode.

(9943201549)

 Way to Sobriety Group

Barathi Kalvi Nilayam,

Nasiyanur ( Al-Anon Meeting )

(9942211633, 9789763241)

Tuesday

Seed of Hope Group,

Kamaraj Municipal high School, Karungalpalayam,

Erode. ( Al-Anon Meeting )

(9442962317)

Gods Gift Group

Corporation Middel School

Chinnappanayakam palayam, near Ulavar Santhai,

Kumarapalayam

(9843744088, 9842714008)

Wednesday

  Gods Grace Group,

R.C. Church, Railway colony,
Erode.
( 9965317227)

Good Day Group,

MDV School,   Near Jothi Theater,
Thiruchengode

(9362023251).

 Chennimalai Groups,

Govt. Middle School, Uthukuli road,

Melapalayam, Chennimalai

(9842710066, 7502625063)

Thursday

  Serenity Group,

Good Shepherd School,
Veerappan chathram, Erode

(9842819557).

Joy of Living Group,

MDV School,   Near Jothi Theater
Thiruchengode

(9750036875)

Friday

Living Sober Group,

Nalantha Hospital, 

Kalaimagal School Road, Erode. ( Al-Anon Meeting )

(9715155599)

Care and Share Group

Holy Family Church, Petham palayam road, 

Perundurai. ( Al-Anon Meeting )

(9788496970)

 

Saturday

 Gratitude Group,

Govt. High School, Edayankattuvalasu,

Near MGR Seelai, Erode.

(9842711145) 

ERODE AA Help Line:  erode.aa@gmail.com

 

Letter to Anyone New to A.A.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your interest in Alcoholics Anonymous. Below are links to A.A. pamphlets that explain our recovery program and give a general idea of how A.A. works. You will see that the first and most important step in our program is admission by the alcoholic that he or she is powerless over alcohol, and that life has become unmanageable. It is often helpful for the alcoholic to talk with an A.A. member, because it may make it easier to understand the nature of the illness, and to accept A.A. help.

 
Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of a new way of life without alcohol, a program that is working successfully for millions of men and women throughout the world, and in all walks of life. The experience of A.A. members is that alcoholism is a progressive illness that cannot be cured, but which, like some other illnesses, can be arrested—by staying away from the first drink, one day at a time.

 
We would encourage you to get in touch with the nearest A.A. Central Office or Inter group to get further information on Alcoholics Anonymous, speak to an A.A. member or find local A.A. meetings. Many of these offices have web sites and email.

 
A.A. members, as volunteers, are happy to offer help by sharing their experience, strength and hope in staying sober. One of the ways members stay sober is by helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
Best wishes. 

IS A.A. FOR YOU?

Only you can decide whether you want to give A.A. a try —
whether you think it can help you

We who are in A.A. came because we finally gave up trying to control our drinking. We still hated to admit that we could never drink safely. Then we heard from other A.A. members that we were sick. (We thought so for years!) We found out that many people suffered from the same feelings of guilt and loneliness and hopelessness that we did. We found out that we had these feelings because we had the disease of alcoholism.
We decided to try and face up to what alcohol had done to us. Here are some of the questions we tried to answer honestly. If we answered YES to four or more questions, we were in deep trouble with our drinking. See how you do. Remember, there is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a problem.. 

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)

Yes No

2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.

Yes No

3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.

Yes No

4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."

Yes No

5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.

Yes No

6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.

Yes No

7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.

Yes No

8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.

Yes No

9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.

Yes No

10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.

Yes No

11 - Do you have "blackouts"?A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.

Yes No

12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Yes No

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way. But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call. A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS© is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

• The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.

• A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes.

• Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

  Copyright © by The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.;
  reprinted with permission

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

1. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
2. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
3. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
4. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
5. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
6. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
7. Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
8. Made direct amends to such p
9. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.
eople wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditations to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous  

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority-a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose-to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
6. An AA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. Alcoholics Anonymous as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place      

          Principles before personalities.

INFORMATION ON A.A.

Alcoholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any

causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.